The Woman I Want To Be

I have a confession. I haven’t always enjoyed being Heather. In fact, I’ve never liked my name and I’ve spent most of my life wishing I was more like someone else.

In fact, in recent years, I really wanted to be Jayne.

I met Jayne at our church in Wentzville, MO a few years ago and immediately attached myself to her. The thing is, I wasn’t the only one attaching myself to her. That’s the thing about people like Jayne… EVERYONE wants to be around her. I mean, EVERYONE. You just want to be in her presence. You want to hear her talk. You want to hear her talk about any one of the number of things she’s passionate about – the persecuted church, women’s ministry, reaching the lost, helping the homeless, raising our children to love the Lord, being real and vulnerable about life with one another…. I could go on and on. People who hear Jayne talk want to hear her more. And they want to hear Jayne pray. Because Jayne is a Jesus girl with a heart the size of Texas and a love for others like no other.

The few years that I lived near Jayne I tried to not be envious of the gifts and talents God had given her. I mean, she’s gorgeous. (HELLO!) And such a good speaker. She never struggles for words. God just flows through her mouth and into the ears of her listeners with such passion and excitement that you can’t help but be completely captivated. She’s asked to speak in so many different venues.

Here she is in Jefferson City, Missouri’s capital, at the prayer vigil held on the anniversary of the imprisonment of Saeed Abedini, a persecuted Christian being beaten and held as a prisoner in Iran. She organized the state rally and spoke in front of the crowd that had gathered. She has a God-given ability to organize and rally people together.

I could post pictures of her teaching Bible School or speaking at Faith Fest, but I think you get the idea. Jayne is an amazing speaker. And I really wanted to be Jayne. Or be like Jayne. So, I tried to remind myself that God has given me talents, too. Talents that are unique to me. For example, I was a pretty good baker and I taught myself how to make sugar cookies decorated with royal icing. And Jayne always said she wasn’t a very good cook. So, at least I had that.

Then one day Jayne tried her hand at baking and decorating cookies.

And Jayne is obviously MUCH more talented in this area than I am.

Sigh….

But then I moved to Florida, out from under what I “perceived” to be Jayne’s “shadow”.

And I met Shannon.

Do you see the joy and love and compassion that just exudes out of this woman’s smile?? It’s no surprise that she’s the head of the Women’s Ministry of our church here in Florida.

Shannon and I became instant friends and I was THRILLED when she invited me to join the Women’s Ministry team at church. And it wasn’t long before I wanted to be Shannon. Or at least be LIKE Shannon.

I mean, she’s lived in Florida her whole life and she has been in this church for sooooooo long. She knows everyone. And everyone knows her. And everyone trusts her. She’s everyone’s friend. She makes everyone feel loved and welcomed. And she knows how things have been done, and they should be done, and who can get them done. And everyone knows that Shannon is the lady that can GET things done.

Unlike Jayne, Shannon possesses skills that God hasn’t even BEGAN to cultivate in me. For example, Shannon is an AMAZING artist.

She paints. She paints for fun. She paints by request. She paints things she sees in her mind’s eye. She paints things other people suggest she paints. She paints. And when the creation in her mind hits the canvas… well, it’s breathtaking. Shannon oozes with talents that I could never even imagine. She’s organized. She’s creative. She thinks out of the box. She’s just amazing.

And she has a great eye for seeing and capturing beauty in nature with her camera.

Yep. There are some days I wish I was Shannon.

And then there’s Megan. I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally want to be Megan.

Megan is my Team Manager with Jamberry. Her title keeps changing but it’s something like Executive or Elite Executive or Jamberry Goddess or something like that. She’s a big deal.

Not only do we allllllllll want to be Megan because she’s making over 6 figures a year selling nail stickers (WHAT!?!?!?!? I know, right!?) but the thing is…. she’s seriously like the nicest person on earth. She’s a mom of 3. She’s married to a hot lawyer (her words, not mine 😉 ). And oh yeah, she’s a NICU nurse. Nicest. Person. Ever. And she’s HYSTERICAL. Her personality is HUGE.

Ummm… and did I mention that she’s gorgeous? Here’s a pic she posted on FB when she called herself “a wreck” (again, her words, not mine).

I don’t look this hot at my BEST.

But mainly, I want to be Megan because she is really successful at the things she’s passionate about. So much so that her little Jamberry team of over 2,000 women have coined the phrase (and the picture) “What Would Megan Do?”

But this is me.

I’m not a gorgeous blonde. I don’t draw huge crowds. I don’t make $10,000 a month. I don’t know everyone in this town. I can’t paint. My cookies aren’t gorgeous. My husband’s not a lawyer. Nobody fights for time with me. And when I’m a wreck…. I am NOT a bombshell.

But fortunately, God reminds me of who I am. And who I SHOULD want to be.

I am the wife of a wounded warrior. I have a unique opportunity to minister to Veterans and their families.

I am a full-time college student that is setting a standard of educational excellence for my children. I will graduate next month, Suma Cum Laude (3.87 GPA) from Arizona State University.

And I’m a homeschooling momma of these 5 beautiful gifts from God.

What God is showing me is that it doesn’t matter if I rise to the top of my business. It doesn’t matter if I rise to the top of my class. What matters is that I rise to do what He’s called me to do. What matters is that I do EVERYTHING that I do as if I’m doing it for Him…. because that’s what His Word says I should do.

I can hug a new woman in our church that Shannon won’t have a chance to see. I can reach Veterans on the street that Jayne will never meet. I can be successful in my ministry to one person that has more eternal value than all of Megan’s sales put together. Not because I’m better. Not because they’re better. But because God has completely different, unique, individual, specific plans for each of us.

I’m not Jayne. I’m not Shannon. I’m not Megan.

I’m Heather.

So, today, and everyday, I must purposefully and INTENTIONALLY choose not to be envious of the beautiful women in my life. I should emulate the things I see them do only if God’s calling me to do those same things. And I should look first and foremost to HIM to see the woman I want to be. The woman I am. The woman God has made me. The woman God has called me to be. The woman I want to be.